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So getting my life together relearning things of old and somehow managed to find myself in a bit of a routine work out dance or sing meditate work then house work kinda nice really and I don't have people messing with it now because of their demands wants and needs. I guess I blew my top one too many times and they got the hint I can be lenient and will work with them but no longer to the point of self destructing abuse and being made to feel inferior for having my own wants needs and desires or left out because I won't give them what they want but what I FEEL they need. How can people know they are hurting you unless you speak up and let them know i.e. giving them what they may need rather then what they want because they may NOT WANT to know they are being hurtful but that doesn't make any changes to the feelings of pain on the other end. I have gotten the lines grow up quit being a baby all that static but that is just a cop out of acknowledging that you hurt me somehow even if it's the truth it's called tact, my problem lies in that they will insult me then tell me to not be hurt by it. There is a difference between criticism and constructive criticism I am more then happy to receive the latter but will want to bitch slap you for the former savvy........ And I guess the fact that I have in fact started to bitch slap people for their complaining disrespect both to themselves and others or finger pointing instead of accepting they got themselves where they are at has made a difference. They may not be around but MY stress levels are at an all time LOW and I have become a much happier balanced person in general with an awesome direction in life. so who really is the baby here hee hee hee

I really hope there are no really strong aftershocks I don't know if this place will still be standing after all the splits in the walls and corners that just happened with this last one a few minutes ago :(

there may be an I in TEAM but you still have to look at the whole teAm to find it hee hee hee

I need another appointment to the chiropractors but can't afford it. I still don't get how Medicare/welfare can justify teeth and back issues as cosmetic just to keep from paying for dental issues and actually curable back issues. I was in the care of a doctor for too many years for my back and hip problems because everything was off out of place or bulging and all they ever did was give me stuff to make me too high to care about the pain not actually take care of it by putting it where it was supposed to be. Since I got off any gov assistance yes life got hard BUT I am getting better by going to the chiropractor I am having less issues with my Traits now that I am off anything that is not in a whole herbal state to manage my pain muscle spasms and have been on a wonderful road of relearning how to use my back and function again since I could barely even hold up my own upper half for more then 5 minutes.

the thing that gets me the most though is I have had to pay for everything out of my own pocket even when it comes to abscessed teeth because state medical we are all supposed to have WILL NOT COVER ANY OF THAT. so I refused to get back on it much to the disappointment to those around me. however even if I got on MediCal I would still have to pay for it all my self as they won't even cover a Rx unless it is a generic of a generic of a generic! WTF! Let Alone pay for herbals rather then pills (you will get laughed at fyi) or get my tooth pulled for being rotten and abcessing since in the MediCal what will cover handbook they clearly state all dental is of cosmetic nature making it an elective surgery which is a big no no and something they wouldn't dream of covering as it is a waste of tax payer money. Well I refuse to get on it and make the poor bastards already struggling to live while paying exorbitant taxes "pay" for me to be "lazy" only because the medical community that MediCal will pay for would rather me high and still "cosmetically" injured then take care of the actual problem so that I may actually be a Happy Healthy Member of this Supposedly great civilization that is Supposedly based on everyone being Equal (though if you look to the fine print on the great documents that forged this country it will state somewhere I hope as long as you are rich and are willing to sell your own mother for a profit maybe even slit her throat or that of a stranger (cuz yeah you don't know em so fuck em) then you can be Equal and have whatever BS you want) So that "we" may be the greatest ever even better then Rome (before it fell though it looks like we may follow that culture to a T and fall (if haven't already lol) anyway too much greed wanton destruction all for a thing that never should have controlled our lives to begin with $ lol)

so yesterday sucked I can't beleive I forgot to cast a circle so simple so dumb to forget. Now most wouldn't have to spend all there time in a circle but I have found if I don't well the actual schizo up the road another person with depression a little way over and another that is wanting her end near due to life can really get to me! i think things I normally don't and after much recognition of cycles have figured out why I feel that way. weird how when any or all these people have bad days so do I when I don't even see or talk to them or even find out they had a bad day with their as they call it "issue's" till a day or so later but yeah I feel them and i don't like what I pick up but as far as I can tell there is really not alot I can do about any of these people. I am already working with depression and helping her recognize the people she does have around NO ONE will let me near the veil up the road as she can be violent due to her schizo and well the other waiting for her end yeah I could do something but that is still illegal considering I am not a legal licensed medical practitioner to even go there and she is only feeling the weight of life on her shoulders ( dead weight to the family thats alive and had to watch her son and grandson die in the last year young while she's still here coping with a disfigured body) so when you add those 3 together I get a very BAD DAY feeling like that song no body likes me everybody hates me guess I'll go eat worms. which again is not really how I go about life or want to for that matter.

I need help? anyone know animal cruelty laws we have a situation with an "owned" feral cat that is positive for one of the feline herpies strains as well as aids the owner lives down south has a caretaker for the animal a tom cat that is going around spreading it to all our cats by fighting them off their own food (he goes a block away from "home" to do this everyday on other peoples porches no less) if these babies don't catch something they usually end up at the vet for major infections and abscesses as they are spayed and nuetered while he keeps at it, while the caretaker says it's not his problem, while the actual owner says he keeps setting up with the caretaker to get the cat trapped or that we atleast are allowed to go there and catch him to get him fixed and inside, while the caretaker won't let us in to do so or catch him for us or even just bloody do it themselves and either get him fixed or in the house prmantly! we can't afford this shit! there has to be a law saying this is abuse, something, dangit?!!!!

Blah! lol not really in a blah mood but I think there is someone round me that is. I am actually light and happy as I am heading out of this should be condemned rat hole soon which can't be quick enough as I am so done being sick all the time from mold animal dung and nasties. I found a tick the other day EWWWWWWWWWWWW. but on the plus side my lil Shadow kitty didn't bring anything in today and he acted SUPER cute when I got the kitty treats. He's almost full grown but every now and then he'll fluff his face up and looks like a tiny kitten again which utterly melts my heart lol

Weird dreams and visions have been abounding today. Some of it I feel like is from another life past Karma stuff. Some of it feels like it is melding with what is a very weird vision. there is war (post invasion past life) but then morphs to present and what could be a war to come. Then on to fighting snipers bombs all modern warfare with a twist to prevent nuclear holocaust. then a being in white forming a circle with a wolf by her side moving down embracing a black orb that turns to a red human shaped light they then move on collecting other red human shaped lights as the wolf is joined by other wolves and fights off the darkness as the being in light is collecting the red ones. they get consumed in flames then it switches back to guns mortars atv's jeeps and weirdly enough pack horses in a push to reclaim northern states. Yeah weird and probably highly symbolic of what is going on but wanted to put this somewhere and I hate writers cramp and callous lol